As a facilitator, speaker, coach, researcher and founder of Human Leadership Lab, May (BEcSocSc(Hons) ‘09, LLB ‘11) wears multiple hats in service of a broader vision – helping others. “I work with Fortune 500s, venture-backed companies and CEOs doing exciting work in tech, but my methods can be just as impactful for a parent re-entering the workforce, a 25-year-old who regrets their career choice, or people like me who still sometimes ask ‘What do I want to be when I grow up?’”.

Her approach starts with identifying the driving forces behind our personal and professional ambitions. “No matter who you are, you need to know your core values,” she says. “They’re the most important thing you can understand about yourself, and yes, they change and evolve over time, but they follow us across workplaces, relationships, and stages of life.”

Values not only anchor us in who we are at our core, they also serve as our compass for the days, months, and years ahead. Like success metrics at work, values serve as personal KPIs. “At the end of every week, you can look back and ask yourself – did I honour my core values?” asks May. “We very rarely do this, and yet if our personal values aren’t being respected throughout our life, we usually feel mediocre at best and violated at worst.”

Defining what matters to you

So, how do we establish and honour our values? It starts with a values exercise. “First, you need to get clear on the two or three values that are most important to you,” May advises. “If everything is important, nothing is important, so be selective.” Once you’re set on your values, you can start to evaluate your day-to-day commitments and relationships through the lens of those values. The most significant energy drain often happens when our values aren’t being honoured, so part of this process involves reframing the conversation: “What does it mean to honour these values? How can I make each experience aligned with them?”

Honouring your values doesn’t just clarify what you should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to, it highlights what gives and takes your energy. “Look at the bigger commitments in your life – the city you live in, the job you’re in, the relationship you’re in, and ask yourself: are these aligned with my values?”

In establishing this base foundation, you can create your own personal operating system. “This is the data you want to pay attention to when you start running experiments in your life,” adds May.

All life is an experiment

No, we’re not talking about beakers full of wild concoctions – but the concept of mixing a bit of this, with a bit of that, and seeing what works applies. “I talk a lot about living your life as an experiment, but you can't just go and run experiments in if you don't know what data you're tracking,” explains May. “You have to collect data that is going to help you make decisions that move you forward.”

While experimentation is common in business, it has just as much power and applicability in our personal lives. It starts with identifying your values and basing decisions on them. “Let’s say creativity is one of your values, and you define it as exposure to new ideas or artistic experiences,” May says. “Your hypothesis might be, ‘If I join the local theatre and get a season pass, I’ll have a great time,’ but if you want a low-risk way of testing this theory, you could go to one show before committing to the season pass.” Upon returning home, May suggests reflecting on how you feel following your experience. “Pay attention – how did you feel afterwards? Were you looking forward to the event?” This data-driven, experimental approach will help you honour your values and improve any area of your life.

Bid farewell to the fear of failure

While we all want to hit our goals immediately, these things often take time and tweaking. “These days, the idea of failure is terrifying,” says May. “We treat it as this black-and-white thing, but we need to reframe it as a learning curve because we learn by doing.” 

This adaptability is one of the most important skills for the future, and can be brought to life through experimenting in all areas of life. “We might not always get it right, but the only true failure is the failure of courage – being stuck in decision paralysis or walking through life in slumber.”

While many of us may find ourselves in one of these states at some point or another, the simplest and most effective solution is to experiment, iterate, and try again. “Anything that we do that doesn’t work (where our hypothesis is wrong) is simply learning for your next experiment.”

Written by Alana Wulff for SAM Extra.
Illustration by Jenny van Rantingen (BVA/BAdvStudies '24). Jenny van Ratingen is an illustrator and multimedia artist, primarily working with painting and sculpture. Outside of Jenny's illustration practice, her artwork delves into themes from the Everyday, the complexities of intergenerational conflicts and the laborious dynamics found within the home.

This article originally appeared in SAM Extra. If you are a University of Sydney alumni, update your preferences to receive this monthly e-newsletter.